Here’s the thing—when you argue that it’s impossible to teach men not to rape, you are saying that rape is natural for men. That this is just something men do. Well I’m sorry, but I think more highly of men than that. (And if you are a man who is making this argument, you’ll forgive me if I don’t ever want to be in a room alone with you.)
And when you insist that the only way to prevent rape is for women to change their behavior—whether it’s recommending that they carry a weapon or not wear certain kinds of clothing—you are not only giving out false information, you are arguing that misogyny is a given. That the world will continue to be a dangerous and unfair place for women and we should just get used to the fact. It’s a pessimistic and, frankly, lazy view on life. Because when you argue that this is “just the way things are,” what you are really saying is, I don’t care enough to do anything about it.”
“ Young men need to be socialized in such a way that rape is as unthinkable to them as cannibalism. ”
Mary Pipher, Clinical Psychologist and Author, Reviving Ophelia (via sunshine-machine)
“ It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that a billion women have been raped or beaten, just the enormity of that. When I was in college, I’d heard that one in four women would be raped, and I thought, God, that means I must know someone who was raped. Sure enough, I found out a week later that a friend had been. A billion is too big because one is too big. ”
This is a very well done campaign.
“ If edgy comedy is supposed to provide an enlightening perspective on a horrible aspect of life then nearly all rape jokes fail, not least because they are often at the expense of the rape victim. The only funny rape-ish joke I’ve ever heard was from US comedian John Mulaney, who mused on how women see him as a threat late at night, “and it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped”. Personally, I find that a lot more enlightening and, crucially, funnier than Jimmy Carr’s “What do nine out of 10 people enjoy? A gang rape.” It also – unlike anything said by Akin, Ryan, Galloway, Carr or Assange’s fans – shows awareness of the victim as opposed to focusing on the alleged (or, in this case, imagined) attacker. That’s how you talk about rape, see? You remember that the victim is an actual person. ”
“ You used the expression “legitimate” rape as if to imply there were such a thing as “illegitimate” rape. Let me try to explain to you what that does to the minds, hearts and souls of the millions of women on this planet who experience rape. It is a form of re-rape. The underlying assumption of your statement is that women and their experiences are not to be trusted. That their understanding of rape must be qualified by some higher, wiser authority. It delegitimizes and undermines and belittles the horror, invasion, desecration they experienced. It makes them feel as alone and powerless as they did at the moment of rape. ”
“ The views expressed were offensive. Rape is rape and the idea that we should be parsing and qualifying and slicing what types of rape we’re talking about doesn’t make sense to the American people and it certainly doesn’t make sense to me. What I think these comments do underscore is why we shouldn’t have a bunch of politicians, the majority of whom are men, making health care decisions on behalf of women. ”
oo1. boobs are really, really awesome. like seriously. they’re the most universally appealing body part, and no one’s going to fault you for liking them. i totally get that you’re turned on by them! but let’s get something straight. awesome boobs are not an invitation.
sometimes it’s hot out and i don’t feel like having extra clothing on just so you won’t check me out. or sometimes, maybe i am in the mood to show off! but even then, my boobs aren’t an automatic “yes.” no matter how slutty you think i look, no matter how turned on you might be, an awesome rack is not a substitute for consent.
oo2. like most people around the world, i enjoy having fun! and sometimes, that fun might involve drinking, or the use of other mind-altering substances. rules are a little different when you’re drunk. you can act sillier and tell stupid jokes and maybe even get away with dancing on the table!
but you know what you can’t get away with? not establishing consent! no matter how drunk you are, i am, or we all are, boundaries still exist. you still have to make sure that your potential bedmate is cool with bumping uglies, no matter if you’ve been together three years or known each other’s names for three minutes. and use whatever judgment you have left: if they’re too far under the influence to drive home, they’re probably too far under the influence to give true consent.
oo3. society seems to really have a thing about people who are on the larger side. there’s so much body shaming in today’s world, and a lot of it is just totally accepted. you may think that since i am fat, i’m desperate for any vague sign of affection, so i’ll be okay with you doing whatever you want to me. i really hate to disappoint, but if you think that i’m a loser who should feel lucky to be touched, you’re going to have a bad time.
no one is lucky to get raped. no one is lucky to face unwanted sexual advances. no one is lucky to be harassed. the rules don’t change when someone’s above a size twelve.
oo4. it’s pretty obvious that most people in the world enjoy sex, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. i for one am totally into sex! if i could have sex all day, i totally would. you know how there’s that stupid rumor that men think about sex every seven seconds? well it’s not stupid, because i totally think about sex that often.
however, that doesn’t mean that i’m down to fuck anyone any time. you may have heard that i’ll sleep with anyone. maybe i slept with your friend. hell, maybe we even slept together once! but no matter what, you’ve still got to get that “yes.” i enjoy sex with respectful partners who understand boundaries. i don’t enjoy being degraded, pressured, or having assumptions made about me. most people don’t, so why press your luck?
oo5. and speaking of assumptions… sexuality is hugely complex. you wouldn’t want your preferences to be generalized, so don’t do it to anyone else! i’ve slept with girls; that does not mean i will sleep with all girls. i’ve been tied up; that does not mean you can tie me up. i’ve had threesomes; that does not mean that i will have a threesome with you and your buddy.
oo6. you are not owed sex. there, i said it. no matter what you do for me, there is no situation i can think of where i owe you sex. if you take me out for dinner, or help me move in to a new apartment, or proofread my angry letter to urban outfitters, i’ll be really grateful! i might make bake you something, or buy you a twelve-pack of steel reserve. and if we’re already close, it might make me fall incredibly in love with you and we could end up fucking on the living room floor, don’t get me wrong!
i just won’t owe that to you. when you do something nice for someone, you’re doing it out of the goodness of your own heart. if you’re doing it expecting something in return, you’re not doing something nice. you’re trying to perform an underhanded deal. if you want to arrange for me to owe you sex, let me know outright, so i can know that you’re not a decent person at all, just a scummy scum scum who gets off on forcing people into uncomfortable situations.
oo7. and here’s the big one. you’ve probably heard “no means no” a million times, and we all like to think we’re the kind of person who, if our partner said no, we’d stop right away. but consent is more than not being told no. it’s being told yes. enthusiastically.
if your partner isn’t saying no, but also isn’t saying yes, take a step back and examine the situation. this boils down to being a moral human being. sure, if your partner doesn’t say no, it might be more difficult for you to get convicted of rape. but are you the kind of person that thinks it’s okay to take advantage of someone on a technicality? please don’t be.
it’s up to you to make sure that your partner feels comfortable, safe, and okay, and it’s up to you to take a step back if they don’t. be the responsible person, because the only person who can prevent rape is YOU.
“ Look, guys. No matter what a girl does, no matter how she’s dressed, no matter how much she’s had to drink, it’s never, never, never, never, never okay to touch her without her consent. That doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a coward. ”
[massive tw for collection of victim blaming in above video]
Sh*t Everybody Says To Rape Victims
Was not expecting to see this, but I’m glad it exists. I really hope this meme sticks around for a while, so many perspectives are using it as a medium to explain their daily lived experiences.
Watch and discuss
What’s this? An anti-rape campaign that focuses on preventing rape instead of preventing women leaving the house? Holy crap it’s Christmas.
These were in the health classrooms at my high school. Woop! Though, it would be kind of cool to see one with two women on it.
Nice to see gay people being acknowledged at all though!
this makes me SO happy.