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Posts tagged rape culture


Let’s Talk: Rape Jokes

Trigger Warning: Rape
Disclaimer: People also need to be aware about rape victims who are men, however in this video, I mostly refer to women and how rape culture affects them.

  • Why they are dangerous
  • Statistics and Rape Culture
  • Make fun of the culture, not the victim
  • Freedom of speech
Yes, false rape accusations happen. Run the protocol anyway. I’ve heard that perhaps the military has the highest number of ‘em. True or not, RUN THE PROTOCOL ANYWAY. Because in 15 years of investigating rape accusations, I can count those that panned out as false on one hand. Meanwhile, the one time I almost skipped the protocol, the one time I almost didn’t believe a petty officer, because I was naive as an investigator and a young woman, because her commanding officer described her as “a party girl, always late, always out drinking, don’t bother with this one”, she turned out to be the victim of one of the most brutal assaults I’ve ever investigated. She shouldn’t have still been -alive-, let alone up and making the accusation. So let me repeat: five false accounts in fifteen years. And one time I almost failed a woman ‘cause of the bullshit way it’s normal to talk about us. Take your shipmates’ word, and then run the protocol. Every. Single. Time.

 - JAG lawyer, speaking to my husband’s plant during Sexual Assault Prevention Month. (via circusbones)

spent most of the day catching up with my youtube subs
do you guys know about the WIGS channel on youtube?
they have amazing content starring women
if you watch anything, watch Blue and Lauren
(TW: rape for both, though.)
they can be hard to watch at times, sometimes i fast forward, but they are really powerful and important stories.

The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys' 

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!” 

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning.  How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respected, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.

(Source: redofthehood)

Elizabeth Smart: Abstinence Education Teaches Rape Victims They’re Worthless, Dirty, And Filthy 


When I went through abstinence only education they did an activity where they put different activity from holding hands to intercourse around the room and asked everyone how far they would go, and how far their parents would be okay with them going. I refused to do the exercise because I thought it was inappropriate and my parents trusted me to be safe and make decisions for myself. Now that I look back on that I can’t imagine how traumatic that could have been to someone who had been sexually abused. We need to keep this in mind when discussing sex education.

(Source: progressivehumanity)

[TW: rape culture]

What kind of world do we live in when young men are so proud of violating unconscious girls that they pass proof around to their friends? It’s the same kind of world in which being labeled a slut comes with such torturous social repercussions that suicide is preferable to enduring them. As a woman named Sara Erdmann so aptly tweeted to me, “I will never understand why it is more shameful to be raped than to be a rapist.”

And yet it is: so much so that young men seem to think there’s nothing wrong with—and maybe something hilarious about—sharing pictures of themselves raping young women. And why not? Their friends will defend them, as they did in Steubenville, tweeting that the young woman was “asking for it” and that the boys were being unfairly targeted.

Women and girls are the ones expected to carry the shame of the sexual crimes perpetrated against them. And that shame is a tremendous load to bear, because once you’re labeled a slut, empathy and compassion go out the window. The word is more than a slur—it’s a designation.

As long as women’s natural body hair is called disgusting and inappropriate while men’s isn’t, I am a feminist.
As long as I can’t watch an episode of a popular sitcom without having to sit through multiple sexist comments or “jokes”, I am a feminist.
As long as women have to face the rational fear of being sexually assaulted every time they walk home past dark while men don’t, I am a feminist.
As long as misogyny exists in any country in this world, I am a feminist.
As long as women are being raped, then stoned to death or forced to marry their rapist, I am a feminist.
As long as companies promote men to manager when there are women who are equally as or better qualified, because they find that men look more authoritative, I am a feminist.
As long as women (her choice of clothes, her friendly nature, her weakness, her choice to drink alcohol) get blamed when men rape them, I am a feminist.
As long women’s opinions on online social networks are dismissed with phrases like “tits or gtfo”, “get back to the kitchen”, “are you pms’ing?”, I am a feminist.
As long as dressing like a women is degrading for men and as long as men are insulted with phrases like “you throw like a woman”, clearly implying that being like a woman is shameful, I am a feminist.
As long as both men are women are expected to work, but taking care of children and the household are still largely considered a woman’s job, I am a feminist.
As long as boys and girls are treated differently, expected to act differently, and surrounded by different toys and colours from the day they are born, I am a feminist.
As long as topless women aren’t allowed in public unless they’re on the cover of a men’s magazine, I am a feminist.
As long as women who have sex frequently are generally told they are “sluts”, “lacking self-respect” and “lacking morals” by both men and women, while men who frequently have sex are “just being men” and it’s “natural for them”, I am a feminist.
As long as there are places where women have to pay more for health insurance than men, I am a feminist.
As long as men experience situations with equal gender representation as female-dominated, and don’t consider a group discussion equal unless there are significantly more men then women participants (as has been proven), I am a feminist.
As long as there are men who think it’s their wife or girlfriend’s duty to have sex with him whenever he wants, I am a feminist.
As long as the word feminism (“the movement aimed at equal rights for women”) has a negative connotation, I am a feminist.
As long as misogynist people exist, I am a feminist.
Indeed, the idea of ‘winning the girl’ – of overcoming female objections or resistance through repeated and frequently escalating efforts – is central to most of our modern romantic narratives. (Female persistence, by contrast, is viewed as pathetic.) And the more I think about instances of creepiness, harassment and stalking that culminate in either the threat or actuality of sexual assault, the more I’m convinced that a massive part of the problem is this socially sanctioned idea that men are fundamentally entitled to persist. Because if men are meant to persist, then women who say no must only be rejecting the attempt, not the man himself, so that every separate attempt becomes one of a potentially infinite number of keys which might just fit the lock of the woman’s approval. She’s not the one who’s allowed to say no, not really; she should be silent and passive as a locked door, waiting patiently while the man runs through however many keys he can be bothered trying. And if he gets sick of this lengthy process and just breaks in? Well, frustration under those circumstances is only natural. Either the door shouldn’t have been there to impede him, or it shouldn’t have been locked.










So, tonight I went to a screening of Evil Dead. One of the hosts was The rep from the site is getting the audience pumped up for the movie and then says that it has “the second best rape scene”.

My mouth fell open and I looked at my neighbor  “Did he just say that?! Did he really say that?!” She looked just as shocked as I felt and nodded.

Yes, I know the rape scene is famous. It’s still inappropriate 

As you can see, I couldn’t forget it.

I was stuck in that moment for a good 15 minutes into the movie. I’m just thinking, WTF? There are survivors here, for sure and even though I’m not one, I didn’t want that! Surprise rape joke? How in the world did he think this would be OKAY?!

You’re ranking rape jokes. You really sound like an enthusiast right now.

So, I sent this into via their “contact us” link. Here’s the response I got.

 Nick Nunziata <>
That was me. And sorry but Evil Dead is synonymous with rape and the movie is a hard R. I knew there was a tree rape in the movie and have no time for political correctness. People are just looking to be offended. Hope you enjoyed the free movie.

So hey, apparently Nick Nunziata at…

1. is a big fan of rape. 

2. thinks Evil Dead is synonymous with rape. Which leads me to believe that either he’s never seen the original movie, or was just so aroused by the couple minutes of rape in it that he’s rewritten the rest of the movie in his head.

3. thinks that people who are upset by creeps gushing over how much they love rape are just looking to be offended, and that not telling a room full of people - a room that probably included survivors of sexual violence, and DEFINITELY included people who have loved ones who are survivors of sexual violence (seeing as that latter group includes *everyone*) - how much he loves rape is a matter of political correctness.


YUP! I’ve concluded the same. I really don’t know why it’s so hard not to be an asshole. I don’t understand why people feel the need to double down on the worst shit. 

I’ve been posting this story pretty much everywhere. A friend of mine tweeted Nick, b/c it seems the @chuddotcom account isn’t an interactive one, but one made just for announcements. 

This is the response he got.



So, apparently loudly saying that this movie has the ‘second best rape scene’ like everyone in a large theater should be HAPPY about that is totes cool to say in public, but  he’s ashamed of his e-mailed response? I don’t think so.

Now @nicknunziata is e-mailing me,

You had a private email put on the Internet. Please have it taken down. 

Followers! Reblog this reblog this reblog this. Everyone needs to know about this cumstain. 

who the fuck ranks rape scenes?! barf.



The Invisible War 

  • Since 2006, more than 95,000 service members have been sexually assaulted in the U.S. military
  • More than 86% of service members do not report their assault
  • Less than five percent of all sexual assaults are put forward for prosecution, and less than a third of those cases result in imprisonment

I hate that I can attest to accuracy of this post. I never reported my assailants. I had a friend who did. She got looked down upon, name called, moved to a crappy shift and generally treated like trash from a good number of people in our command, including some superiors. The male who molested her got a “talking” to, a slap on his wrist and then essentially promoted. And that was on shore. I can’t even begin to tell you what happened while we were on the ship. It’s just unbelievably horrifying. 

(Source: softgrungesoldier)

[TW: rape, partner consent issues] What people don’t understand is when we say “Teach men not to rape,” we’re not talking about telling them not to jump out of the bushes in a ski mask and grab the nearest female. We’re talking about the way we teach boys that masculinity is measured by power over others, and that they aren’t men unless they “get some.” We’re talking about teaching men (and women) that it’s not okay to laugh at jokes about rape and abuse. We’re talking about telling men that a lack of “No” doesn’t mean “Yes,” that if a woman is too drunk to consent they shouldn’t touch her, that dating someone - or even being married to someone - does not mean automatic consent. We’re talking about teaching boys to pay attention to the girl they’re with, and if she looks uncomfortable to stop and ask if she’s okay, because sometimes girls don’t know how to say stop in a situation like that. We’re talking about how women have the right to change their mind. Even if she’s been saying yes all night, if she says no, that’s it. It’s over. That’s what we mean when we say “Teach men not to rape.”

Kalitena on Facebook  (via oldloveinyoungbodies)


So often, people have a very narrow definition of what rape is. They don’t realize a lack of no doesn’t mean yes. They don’t realize that we can revoke consent at any given time. They don’t understand that they’re not entitled to a person’s body, nor sex, even though they bought them dinner.

They seem to think that rape is only defined a certain way- a stranger, in  bushes/a dark alley/parking lot coming out of nowhere and forcing themselves on defenseless woman who’s wearing a short skirt, walking alone in the dead of night.

(via stfuhypocrisy)

Absolute perfection. Pass it on. 

(via trinandtonic)

(Source: waitforhightide)



Melissa Harris-Perry’s open letter to Steubenville survivor

So much respect for that.

Dearest Beloved Girl,

[Text behind reads: Dear Steubenville Survivor]

This is a letter of apology for being an adult who has failed to make the world safe for you.


You should be safe, and your vulnerability should not invite assault and attack of your body or your spirit.


So I’m sorry that we have failed to teach your male peers they have no right to touch you without your consent.


You demanded the right to be heard. You may have lost your voice that night, but you found it again when you told the truth.

Even though you knew, didn’t you? You knew just how relentlessly they would try to silence you?

You knew that neighbors and friends, and even the members of the national media would mourn the loss of your attackers’ football careers more than the loss of your innocence.


You spoke for yourself and you spoke for the 44% of rape victims who are under 18, and you spoke for my 14 year old self who still hears that thread in my head, “don’t tell, they won’t believe you.”


This is my apology and this is my gratitude saying, I believe you. I believe you are inherently valuable, not as a character in some grotesque news cycle where your assault is all we know, but as a girl.


With hopes and dreams and ambitions and vulnerabilities and so much more growing up to do. I never need to know your name, but I need you to know you are not alone.

If you ever get down, if you ever wonder how you’re gonna go on, take out this letter because I believe you.

Sincerely Melissa.

(Source: evilseahag)

(TW: rape)

…It is a strange thing about looking into the face of a 15-year-old, to really see who they are. You still see the small child that their mother sees. You see the man or woman they will be before they graduate. They are babies whose innocence you want desperately to protect. They are old enough to know better, even if no one has taught them.

I realized then that some of my kids were genuinely confused. “How can she be raped?” they asked, “She wasn’t awake to say no.” These words out of a full fledged adult would have made me furious. I did get a good few minutes in response on victim blaming and why it is so terrible. But out of the face of a kid who still has baby fat, those words just made me sick. My students are still young enough, that mostly they just spout what they have learned, and they have learned that absent a no, the yes is implied.

It is uncomfortable to think that some of the students you still call babies have the potential to be rapists. It is sickening, it is terrifying, but it is true. It is a reality we have to face. My students have lived in a world for fifteen years where the joke “she probably wanted it” isn’t really a joke, they need to unlearn some lessons that no one will admit to teaching them.

Standing in front of my classroom and stating that a woman’s clothing choice is never permission to rape her should not be a radical act. But only a few heads nodded in agreement. Most were stunned, like this was a completely new thought. The follow up questions were terrifying in their earnestness. “Ms. Norman, you mean a woman walking down the street naked is not her inviting sex? How will I know she wants to have sex?” A surprisingly bold voice came out of a girl in the back “You’ll know when she says, you want to have sex?!”

If you want to keep teens from being rapists, you can no longer assume that they know how. You HAVE to talk about it. There is no longer a choice. It is no longer enough to talk to our kids about the mechanics of sex, it probably never was. We have to talk about consent, what it means, and how you are sure you have it. We have to teach clearly and boldly that consent is (in the words of Dianna E. Anderson) an enthusiastic, unequivocal YES!

What came next, when the idea of a clear yes came up, is the reason I will always choose to teach freshmen. They are still young enough to want to entertain new ideas. When we reversed the conversation from, “well she didn’t say no,” to “she has to say YES!” many of them lit up. “Ms. Norman,” they said, “that does make a lot more sense.” “Ms. Norman,” they exclaimed, “that way leaves a lot less confusion.” When one of the boys asked, well what do you want me to do, get a napkin and make her sign it, about four girls from the back yelled, YEAH!…

Thanks to my friend Ivy for sharing this with me on Facebook. All of these things, these conversations I did not properly have until I was well into college. Like a lot of people, none of my schools ever properly talked about healthy and respectful sexual encounters and what sexual assault really was. I really wish we’d had conversations like this, though…

(via sunny1)

watch that little motherfucker who asked about the napkin though…

(via blackfoxx)

Now to teach them that after you get a “yes” she’s allowed to change her mind and say “no.” Even if she signed a napkin. Some fuckshit athlete in my freshman year thought of that brilliant “loophole” and went around (half)jokingly asking a bunch of us to sign a paper saying “yes” so he’d have written consent in advance.

So, yeah, teach them to beware that ‘napkin’ kid…

And after THAT teach them that even an enthusiastic “yes!” doesn’t count if she’s under the influence, underage, or you otherwise have a huge degree of power over her life and choices.

And these lessons would all go a lot smoother if, before all this, we taught them that they have an ethical responsibility not to cause someone harm. That it’s really kinda fucked up to approach sex thinking, “what can I get away with?” rather than the sincere desire to not hurt another human being. That you should decline someone’s “yes” if you think having sex with that person, at that time, could cause harm.

(via blackraincloud)








How to handle a drunk girl passed out on your couch.

seriously have so much respect for this

the fact that anyone would do anything other than this is ridiculous 


omg r e s p e c t



I love this. Do this for EVERYONE! <3

(Source: wholove)


can this be common sense yet

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